When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
