When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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