just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I will be naked everywhere
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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