i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
