Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
