did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
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Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
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I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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