I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
