dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
