I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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