I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
