I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
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