Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
