My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
