why didn't you poke me back
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
