alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
