C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I just want nice things and good sex
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
