sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
