just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
