we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
