...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Randomize
