Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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