So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Randomize
