Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Every concussion has its silver lining
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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