I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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