I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
