Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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