shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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