I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
