they need to just BURY HIM!
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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