good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
