why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
