he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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