He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You've changed since you got that strap on
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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