I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
