I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
