Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
