I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
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