I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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