This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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