Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
