You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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