So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
