No awkward lesbian experiences without me
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
