Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
