we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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