Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
i think my cat just said my name.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
