Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
