There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
