I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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