i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
