um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
