...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
