the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
