i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
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