Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
