Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
