so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
