Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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