so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
My Higher Power is John Stamos
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
