I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
