remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
