Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
We need a shit load of segways right now
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
