either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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