Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
