i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
false alarm, still single
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