I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
