We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
