Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
