'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
