I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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